


I'll be here

by orphan_account



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Blowjobs, Blurryface, Cute, Depression, Eating Disorder, Fluff, M/M, Nightmares, Schizophrenia, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Shy Tyler, Smut, Suicide, handjobs, nothing too graphic don't worry, this is my first fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-19 16:13:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9449705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Tyler has always been a lonely and broken person. His shyness and his insecurities were keeping him away from other people. Crying and hurting himself was all he knew. Until he met Joshua Dun.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you will like it ❤ English isn't my first language so if I made a mistake or sthg tell meeee

Tyler was awake at five in the morning, even if school wasn’t starting until eight. He was crying and had trouble breathing, like he was drowning. Drowning in his thougts. His whole body was crazily shaking, while his hands were running through his hair, trying to calm down. “Why am I like this ? Why ?” Tyler whispers to himself. A panic attack, like almost every night since three years. He curled on himself and held his legs thight to his chest, waiting for the voices in his head to stop yelling at him that he was worthless, that the cuts on his whole body were ugly like him, horrific, monstruous. That he deserved his pain. And he _knew_ these voices were right.

 

* * *

 

 

At quarter to eight, Tyler was finally ready to go out of the house. It was kind of cloudy outside, but not rainy or cold, so he just put a black hoodie and a pair of grey skinny jeans, and choose his dark red vans to go with it. He takes his backpack, inhales, goes out, and then lock the door. Since Tyler was almost living on his own – his parents were always travelling for work – he could leave the house without eating, locking the door without caring about anyone being locked outside, or even explain the noise he made the last night while punching objects and having struggle to breath. His school was just at nine or ten minuts by walk, so he will be there soon. He had a little headache and thought it would have been smart to try to sleep more this night – even if he couldn’t. In front of his house, there was a deep forest where he used to go to sing and play some ukulele when he gets really sad. He also follows the line of this forest to go to school.

_I wonder if there will be anything interesting, today. I’m so tired of learning things that I don’t care about. Even if I try, I fail at it. I’m such an idiot._

_“yes, you are”_

_“you should stay in your room and cry all day, like the pathetic thing you are”_

_“nobody needs you, nobody is waiting for you, nobody loves you”_

The storm in his head is stopped when he hit something. Someone, actually. “Hey, are you okay ? You look really pale.” Said a blonde girl, taller than him. He instantally blushes, realizing what he did. “oh, I... Sorry, really ! I’m so sorry...” he almost ran out. Why was he like this ? Too clumsy and then way too shy and awkward ? He get quickly to his locker, getting the things he needs, and checking where he should go, while trying to calm down. The bell rang when he saw that he should go to his English class.

While he closed his locker, someone touched his shoulder while saying “Hey”. His heart almost get out of his chest, honestly. He turns out, shaking a little bit. “Y-Yes ?” Tyler answered. And he blushes instantly seeing who is talking to him.

He had never seen him before. That was a boy, around his age, looking really, really good. His hair was red, and shaved at the sides, he had a nose ring and his eyes had a mocha colour. His entire face was probably the most beautiful thing Tyler had ever seen. He instantly looks away. “Do you know where the English class is ?” the stranger asks. Oh. Well. That’s where Tyler was going to go. He looks at his feet. “Oh, y-yes. Follow me... P-Please.” Tyler says, trying not to be such an awkward mess. He starts to walk as fast as he can because they’re already almost late.

The English teacher, Mrs Harris, gives them a rude look when they come inside the class. Tyler goes to his table, trying not to stare at this new boy, even if he really wanted to. The new boy that is actually talking to the teacher, who asks him to introduce himself. “My name is Joshua Dun.” He says, looking tired of it already. Tyler lift up his head and Joshua gives him a quick look, that makes Tyler blush even more. A blushing Tyler who is almost turning into a tomato while noticing that the last free place in this class is... _beside himself_. “Well, I’m sure Tyler Joseph will be really pleased to have you beside him, Joshua” Mrs Harris says. Tyler heard Josh sitting down, but he didn’t lift up his head. He was looking at his hands, like something really interesting was happening on them.

“Thank you, Tyler.” Josh whispers while smiling.

The young boy almost jump on his chair while earing his name. Hey, he needed to calm down. This Joshua Dun was just a pretty (okay, _really pretty_ ) boy who thanked him to be nice, he didn’t have to be like he was. He runs his hand through his hair, inhales, and says “You’re welcome, Joshua” as gently as he could. Joshua smiled and said “Call me Josh. That’s better.”

Tyler smiled to him. A really little smile, yes. But a real smile.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler is a smol shy bean and Josh is a smol way too nice bean  
> the cute things starts to happen hello

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fml I've finished this.. I didn't really know what to do for this chapter, I have so many ideas for the next chapters but idk I had to build it up

It would be really cliché to say that Tyler and Josh were paired together for this English work. But this is what happened, and Tyler was trying not to explode.

He didn’t want to work with someone. He will mess everything up and upset the red haired boy, like he always does with everyone. His legs were shaking as he looked up at Josh, to shyly smile to him.

“Tyler?” Josh whispered, making Tyler’s heart go crazy. “Are you sure you don’t want to work alone?” he asked softly. Tyler didn’t even mention that he was scared to work with someone so he was surprised. He shook his head.  He wanted to know Josh. “Just tell me if you feel like not doing it with me, okay?”  He nodded his head. This boy was so nice oh god, he wanted to thank him but nothing wanted to come out his mouth, so he will just let Josh talk and organize the thing. Thank god it was a one hour work, they didn’t have to see each other out of school.

This hour quickly passed by, because, another cliché, Tyler was focused on Josh’s – _beautiful_ – face instead of their work, and he didn’t talk that much, just nodding and shaking his head as the red haired boy asked questions. He also nodded when he asked him if they could eat the lunch together, not really realizing what Josh asked for until a few minutes.

And here we are, Tyler is sitting in front of Josh, blushing crazily. “You didn’t take many things. You don’t eat a lot, do you?” the taller asks, and Tyler shakes his head to answer. Josh sighs and the brown haired one starts to look at him, scared that he did something wrong. “D-Do I upset you, Joshua?” he asked, and the concerned just starts to laugh softly, offering the sweetest of looks to Tyler (a Tyler who is blushing for the thousandth time since the beginning of the day, and whose heart is beating faster and faster because of how cute Josh could be) “Don’t ask stupid questions, of course not. I just don’t know how to make you talk.” He said, and smiled fondly, receiving a “imsosorryohgod” mumbled by Tyler which was marbled with different shades of red. “Awe man, I don’t know, what do you like to do in your free time?” Josh laughs and asks. “Music…” Tyler whispers “Music.” He says louder while smiling a bit. “I sing, I write songs, I can play some ukulele, piano, guitar, bass, I can also play drums a little bit but I don’t really like to play it – I mean, I love drums, they look so cool but they make too much noise for me. I never quit my ukulele you know, I strum some chords and write songs with them almost every day. And sometimes I take my piano and I write sad songs, and it always ends sounding really awful.” Now, Tyler was smiling wider than he ever did, his chocolate eyes were lost in Josh’s mocha eyes (a Josh whose heart was beating so fast, it’s his turn you know). When the younger boy just realized what he did, he hid his face, apologizing again and again _“Oh my lord_ , I didn't think about what I was doing, oh, I’m sorry, it… It was _so_ awkward, I can’t just… sorry I shouldn’t have talked…” he says repeatedly.

Josh recovered his thoughts, smiling widely. “Your voice is beautiful. You should speak more.” He smiles to Tyler “I love music too, you know? I play drums. I would love so much to hear your skills and your songs, so, what do you think about me and your pretty little voice to meet at my house after school?” he says laughing. Tyler flushes – again – at the last sentence. But he couldn’t go to Josh’s house. He started looking at the table. “Y-Yes” what? No! He wanted to say no! “Yes, I want to come” what the hell? What the hell was his mouth saying? But Josh looked happy so it didn’t matter anymore to him. “Thank you so much” Josh said. “I can’t today, but what do you think of tomorrow?”. Tyler nodded his head as an answer, while his stomach was dancing and turning upside down, and he didn’t understand why.

They just talked for almost one hour – and even if Josh talked way more than Tyler, it was… _interesting_ , and the older boy complimented Tyler a lot of times, making him softly blush.

This afternoon, he had his French class and a bio class (Josh had science and history – they just have english and physical education in common class). It was really boring but Tyler was used to it so it passed pretty quickly.

While he gets to his locker, a deep voice that he already knew _way too well_ called him. He turned and was in front of – oh _, surprise_! Joshua Dun and his beautiful mocha eyes. “Hi” Tyler says shyly but smiling. “I was just going to say goodbye to you” Josh says “See you tomorrow, Ty!” and then he leaves a small kiss on his cheek, almost running away.

A kiss, a _K I S S_ on his _FREAKING. LEFT. CHEEK._ The chocolate eyed boy doesn’t blush, or talk, or nothing. He just stays there, his eyes wide open, his mouth in a small ‘o’, doesn’t realize what just happened. The chill that went down his neck and spine when Josh’s soft mouth touched is cheek ends in the bottom of his back. He closes his locker to avoid an inhuman noise to come out of his throat. He’s so happy. He doesn’t know why, but he’s so happy, and he hates himself being this happy for just a kiss, not knowing the fact that a red haired boy is almost _jumping of happiness_ at the same moment.

Tyler’s legs just feel like they’re apart of his body, like his arms, neck and every other member on his small body, while he walks towards his house, beside the deep forest. It doesn’t hurt, oh no. He has a soft feeling of euphoria. But it will not stay really long.

_“Tyler, Tyler, Tyler. What are you thinking of?”_

_“This boy knows you since a few hours. You’re not thinking that he cares?”_

_Oh god please shut up, make these voices stop…_

He almost runs when he sees the house’s door, unlocking it rapidly and closing it angrily after he comes in.

_“You’re worthless, hideous, completely dumb, an idiot piece of trash.”_

_“You don’t deserve anything, and if he invites you to his house, that’s just to make fun of you.”_

His back slides against the wall, ending up crying on the ground.

_“And you’re crying again? You’re so weak. You should die.”_

_Stop ! STOP, PLEASE !_

He climbs the stairs as quickly as he can, running in his room. He lets his shaky hands run on the drawer, opening it clumsily, taking the blades that he was hiding there.

And after taking his shirt off, the storm was here again, yelling him horrible things about himself, as the blade starts to open up bleeding lines on his body. Again, and again. Like a sempiternal ritual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> actually Tyler gets really excited while talking about music hehe that's why  
> should I talk in Josh's P.O.V. for the next chapter ?


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh POV yey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's 1111 words in this and idk it just made me laugh  
> I apoligize for the swears in this but this is in Josh's point of view and in this fanfic is kind of like.. ew idk, swearing everytime?

_Josh P.O.V._

Even if he almost got hit by a car when he got home, even if everyone was looking at him when he was almost dancing and jumping in the hall of the school, he was the happiest person on earth. He didn’t even thought something like _“maybe Tyler won’t talk to me again after that”_ because he was way too happy for this.

He has to admit that he’s kind of having a crush for Tyler. They knew each other for just like ten hours. But when Tyler talked, everything around Josh was melting. The way his cheeks blushed every time he was saying something nice to him, the way his voice grew stronger when he talked about music, the way he apologized cutely for everything, the way his gaze tried a lot of times to stare into Josh’s eyes but couldn’t because he was so shy, so cute. He didn’t realize he was in front of his door, until his mom opens the door looking at him strangely while seeing his happiness. In fact, the red haired boy hasn’t been this happy since… a long time. He used to just let the days melt away, he just waited for the time to go, for things to happen. Kind of a boring life.

“Mom? A friend has to come tomorrow to do an English boring thing with me. Can he?” (that wasn't true, they didn't have an English work)

“Of course, Josh.” His mom says. “But I won’t be here, will it be okay? Maybe he wants to eat there. What’s his name?”

Josh lost himself in his thoughts while his mother says that she won’t be here. He will be with Tyler, _all alone_. In his room. And maybe on his bed, his lips on Tyler’s neck, going on his chest-

“Joshua William Dun, are you listening to me?”

He realizes suddenly that his eyes were closed. He opened them widely, almost blushing about his awkwardness – he just thought about Tyler (a boy that he met the last morning) and him, making out, in front of his _mother_.

“Yes, sorry mom.” He says quickly, putting off his shoes. “I’m just sleepy, I’m going to my room.”

“And? What’s his name?” She raises an eyebrow.

“Awe, yeah. His name is Tyler.” He says ignoring the butterflies in his stomach while he says this beautiful name. “Tyler Joseph.”

He bites his lip, almost running to his room while realizing he just got fucking _horny_ while losing his thoughts ( _in front of his mother_ , I repeat). He felt like some twelve years old kid. Locking the door after him, he lets himself fall on his chair, not trying to stop the amount of awkward thoughts about Tyler moaning his name.

 

* * *

 

 

“Oh shit shit _shit_ -“

It was 7:49 am. He had to be at school at 8:00 am. How nice.

He gets up of his bed running to the bathroom, taking some random clothes on his way. Just a white long tank top, some black ripped skinny jeans, and a green bomber. He brushed his teeth, dressed up quickly and tried to do something good with his messy hair but he doesn’t succeed, so he just takes a grey snapback and hide his bright red hair under it. Checking the hour – 7:54 am. Oh dear. He had physical education for the first two hours of the day. With Tyler. OH _DEAR._

He puts what he needs for the days in his backpack, takes it, puts his black vans and rushes outside at 7:56 am. Nice.

And while running to the school, he almost starts laughing about what happened the last day. He did thought about Tyler in so much cheesy ways, the fact that _he fucking jerked off_ while thinking of a _poor cute boy_ he met the last day _was_ actually really cheesy. He tried to chase this memory when he sees the school – and a skinny little thing that looks a lot like Tyler standing in front of it, wearing black skinny jeans, a white hoodie and white converse.

“Tyler!” Josh shouts, maybe too loudly.

The brunette turns away and looks at him. His face blushes slightly and his little hand reaches up to make an ‘hi’ sign to Josh who is now walking towards him.

“Huh, Josh, why are you… so… breathless?” Tyler asks, blushing even more. “Are you okay?”

The redhead was way more than breathless. In fact, he was actually almost _dead_ (not really) and out of breath. It took an awkward minute for him to recover his breath, and he just spent this whole minute looking into Tyler’s chocolate eyes, until he just realizes what he’s doing, letting out a small _‘awsorry’_. And then, the younger one starts to giggles slightly. And then, it turns out in a really cute and small laugh and a fever seems to grow inside Josh’s chest as he tries not to squeeze Tyler in his arms. Who isn’t decided to stop from laughing.

“Tyler, what the hell-“ Josh says, starting to laugh a bit too.

“Oh god, I… I’m so sorry, don’t take it too bad okay? I-I’m not making fun of y-you but…” Tyler starts, almost dying of laughter.

“But?” the red haired one starts to be anxious. What’s going on? Maybe he has toothpaste on his face?

“I’m sorry, b-but… Can I just…” Tyler says.

Josh he’s trying his best to stay alive while Tyler looks up at him, leans up his hand towards the redhead’s face.

_What the hell is he going to do is he going to kiss me? No wait josh what are you thinking of this is the most shy person in this whole world he wouldn’t- wait what is he doing I can’t_

And softly, Tyler runs his hand through Josh’s hair that is sneaking out of his snapback, gently replacing it. He seems to whisper a small “done” as he puts down his hand, but nothing comes out of his mouth, it just sounds like a breath. Josh can’t stop himself from cupping Tyler’s (who is blushing way too much) left cheek, and he caresses it with his thumb. It’s really quick, but it feels like hours for both of them. He lets his hand fall down slowly as the bell rings.

“This white hoodie looks really good on you, Tyler.” Josh says, looking directly in his eyes.

And with an happy squeak, our flushed Tyler shows to Josh where they have to go for physical education. And Josh already knew that this class was going to be hard. Being concentrate with a Tyler Joseph around him will not be really easy.

 

And he can’t even imagine how he is right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's maybe so bad and idk I hoped you enjoyed it anyway  
> also thank you for all your comments on the two previous chapters it makes me so happy ily all  
> I can't wait to post the next chapter bc this pe class is going to be... interesting ?
> 
> (sorry if there are grammar mistakes or something I'm a French thing sooo)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't expect something really good  
> i'm a piece of shit this is so bad omg sry

_« looks really good on you »_

_« looks really good on you »_

_« looks really good on you »_

Tyler couldn’t stop himself to repeat Josh’s words in his head. He was so happy he didn’t even know why, but this time, Blurryface didn’t come to say to him that he was worthless and that the other boy was probably making fun of him. He didn’t even care about Blurryface for now. The area where Josh touched his face was almost burning.

He had to lead the way to his new ‘ _friend_ ’ since he was new there. They walked silently, until Josh broke this silence – who wasn’t even awkward.

« What are we going to do, today ? » He asked curiously.

« Basketball. » Tyler answers shyly. « B-but, don’t make fun of me – I’m… not really good, and I’m clumsy. »

« Cute. »

The young boy blushes crazily. He wasn’t cute in any way (for himself) but this compliment made him so warm that he didn’t even try to say no.

Josh followed Tyler in the locker room, where maybe ten or eleven boys were already. And then he realizes _. I’m going to change my clothes with Tyler Joseph doing the same thing in the same room_ , he thought, _I should stop thinking of him like that. He’s certainly straight anyway._

When Tyler takes off his shirt, trying to be fast (he’s _so_ shy, that’s way too cute), Josh can’t stop himself to look at him and to hide a smile. His body was so cute and beautiful, even more beautiful than the redhead would’ve expected ; he wasn’t too muscular but still had some slightly drawed abs and thin muscular arms who looked really, _really_ good, and Josh couldn’t forget the perfect V-line.

Looking away, Josh didn’t even notice the brunette looking at his (really muscular this time) body while blushing crazily, a small smile on his face.

*

The teacher barely introduced Josh to everyone, telling him he had to look at the others for his first class, before doing anything. He was a bit sad because he couldn’t play with Tyler but he would the next time so it didn’t really matter, he didn’t really wanted to ashame himself in front of everyone anyway (Josh wasn’t really good in pe even if he was a really sporty and muscular person).

He gave a quick smile to Tyler when he came to a seat in the back, watching everyone go up on their feet. The teacher started to talk about making two different groups, and everyone instantly started to say a lot of things about **having** Tyler. She yelled something that looked like _‘silence !’_ and everyone stopped. She told Tyler to be the captain of a group, and when she named all the people that would be with him, they almost collapsed on the floor from happiness. What was happening ? He didn’t seem to be the really popular guy, he actually seemed to be really quiet. _Why is everyone so happy to be with him ?_ Josh asked himself – not that Tyler wasn’t wonderful, that wasn’t this at all.

Then, when they warmed up a little to begin a match, Josh understands.

Tyler looked like a feline – not a small white and innocent kitty anymore. He looked like a tiger, a dangerous tiger running through the people, sending the ball to his partners and being so aware of what was happening. It didn’t even took two minutes to him to mark a basket. Everyone screamed loudly, pushing him gently on his shoulders, saying that he was the best, while he blushed because of all this attention on him.

Tyler Joseph was born to play basketball.

The redhead couldn’t keep his eyes away from him. Why did Tyler say that he was bad at it and clumsy ? He wasn’t at all. In fact, out of NBA, Josh never saw someone who played this well. He was running in front of everyone, looking like he was just a bird – an _owl_ , chasing for a mouse to eat.

But then, Josh understood what he meant.

He wasn’t bad at all, but he was right – he was _clumsy_.

Tyler stepped on his own left foot, and fell on the ground, his ankle making a weird move. Josh froze. The young boy on the ground was silent and red – but not from shyness this time, just from hurt. The older ran to him.

« Oh _god_ , Tyler, how are you ?! » He said stupidly. He couldn’t think of any other question.

« I’m fine, Jish » He answers, laughing a bit at the _‘Jish’_ that came out because of his clamped teeth. He was suffering, and Josh wanted to cry – but he didn’t.

The teacher asked him to take Tyler to the nursery, because it looked like something serious. Josh answered positively. He takes Tyler under his arms and makes him get up. He takes his friends’ arm and rest it over his own shoulders.

« Jish is going to the nursery with you, Tyjo » Josh says in a mocking ton. Tyler answers by a too cute giggle who makes Josh’s heart scream some ununderstable things.

They get out of the gym, and Josh notices that Tyler is having struggle to walk. He takes him in his arms, lifts him up like a princess and keeps walking, acting like his breathe wasn’t starting to be fast and his heart wasn’t doing some weird dance moves. The younger’s cheeks and tip of nose start to fade in a dark red color (and it looks really cute, to someone who’s around), but he doesn’t protest. Instead of it, he rests his head on Josh’s warm chest, almost closing his eyes.

« Your heart is beating really fast, Jishwa. » He says innocently.

_If you knew what you’re doing to me you wouldn’t say it with your innocent puppy eyes, Tyler Joseph_

« Aw, really ? Sorry » Josh laughs, ignoring the awkward thought he just had.

They’re quickly reaching the nursery, and when they enter, the nurse just rolls her eyes (she seems to be used to the fact that Tyler is always falling and coming here) and comes to Tyler as Josh puts him really gently on the floor.

« Tyler, what did you do again ? » She says, clicking her tongue.

Josh explains what happened (Tyler was actually too ashamed to admit it), and the nurse is coming right after with some bandages and some pills to calm the hurt.

« The teacher said that he has to rest here. He can’t walk. » Josh says, looking at the nurse right in her eyes.

« Of course ! » She says.

« I have to stay with him. »

She grumbles something unintelligible, but says okay to Josh. He takes Tyler again and puts him in a white bed. Tyler is almost laughing. _Should I tell him that I can walk ? He’s so cute and caring_.

They just sit in silence for a few minutes after the nurse left the restroom. An awkward silence, this time. Josh’s ears are red, and he decides to finally break it.

« So, you didn’t forget you’re coming over, tonight ? » He asks.

« Of course I didn’t. »

And the silence is getting way more awkward.

« Can I have your phone just one second, please ? »

Tyler almost jumped, not expecting Josh to ask this. He nods and gives his phone to Josh, who enters his number. Tyler adds the name « Josh ☺ » and sends him an alien emoji in a text.

« I love this emoji ! » Josh says.

« I know. »

« How ? » He asks, surprised.

« You may or may have not say it last day at lunch. »

It warms up Josh’s chest so much as he starts to laugh. Someone remembered something that wasn’t even important ; no, not someone. Tyler. Tyler Joseph cared about him.

They talked about what they will do, forgetting the music, and planned a Mario Kart instead. They also talked about the lunch, and multiple other things. Josh compliments Tyler way too much, just to see his cheeks turning into the cutest pink color he had ever seen. He just hoped that the brunette didn’t noticed him when he stared way too long at his lips, biting his own lip trying not to kiss him.

When the bell rang, Josh told Tyler to stay here until the lunch when he will come to take Tyler with him.

And, it’s with a peck on the forehead that he leaved a blushing Tyler recovering from his emotions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay this isn't really original I hate this chap sry  
> the next contains a lunch and... a "i come over to josh's house where we are alone" thing  
> get ready ;))


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is so long and I'm happy  
> doesn't mean I like it but ey that's way longer than usual  
> and I feel like I made so much grammar mistakes in this so if what the French piece of shit I am says is not making sense just tell me pls  
> also thank you SO. MUCH. for your comments like o m g they make me so happy ty ily

The three hours that had to pass until the lunch seemed to be the longest three hours Tyler and Josh both ever knew. Josh spent almost all his time unlocking his phone to see if a text wasn’t here, from Tyler – who was doing the same thing from several rooms away. And when the bell rang, they both jumped, and Josh almost – no actually, he _did_ run through the whole school and when he reaches the nursery, he stops, recovering his breath. God, he ran more today than in his whole life. When his breath was normal again, he opens the nursery’s door, just to see Tyler who was going to do the same thing.

The brunette’s cheeks blush slightly, and as he smiles looking at the taller one, he lets out a small _‘hi’_ to Josh who almost dies from it. Instead of dying, he just smiles to the younger, with his perfect white teeth, his eyes sending sparks everywhere. Even if they would’ve liked to stare at each other like some idiots for hours, they break the eye contact and starts to walk to the cafeteria right after Tyler has explained that he could walk and that his ankle wasn’t hurting at all.

“You’re sure you don’t want to eat with your friends instead of with me, Tyler?” Josh asked, breaking the silence. Tyler’s face flushes suddenly.

“Actually I- em, I’m kind of a loner, I usually eat lunch alone and go to the music room right after so… M’sorry I don’t have anyone to introduce you to and I’m socially awkward, and I-“

“ _Tyler.”_

“S-sorry, was I rambling?”

“Yes, but don’t worry!” Josh laughs. “And also, you’re perfect the way you are.” One blush from Tyler, one, we have one – more like a thousand but yeah. “It’d be just you and me I guess.” Josh whispers, while Tyler turns dark red, looking like he’s about to explode.

“Y-yeah…”

 

* * *

 

“… And then, the TV fell from the window! Right on the car!” Josh says with a large move of the arm, talking about his younger days.

Tyler opens his mouth in the cutest ‘o’ Josh has ever seen. He didn’t talked that much, and only nods and smiles when Josh says something. He smiles to the younger boy.

“To be honest, I wasn’t thinking I’d be alive anymore when my mother would find out.”

The brunette giggles, making Josh’s stomach moves happily.

“She almost killed me actually, and even now I think she’s still mad at me! I’d be a grilled sausage to her if I talked about it again in front of her.”

As his chocolate eyes almost close because of the beautiful laugh that comes out of his mouth, he looks and falls into Josh’s mocha eyes. He stops laughing slowly, but keeps a wide smile on his face.

“You’re honestly the cutest person I’ve ever met.”

Tyler said this. And, after a few seconds, they both realized what just happened. Tyler turns into a bright shade of red, and Josh is doing the same thing. But instead of having his eyes wide open like the younger boy does, he just smiles even more.

“Oh god I- I’m sorry, I mean…” Tyler starts to say really fast.

“Hey,” Josh cuts him off “I should be the one to say this to you. Look at you! Listen to your voice! You just have so much cute thoughts and reactions actually, it shouldn’t be human to be _that_ cute.”

Tyler chokes – with actually nothing, because he just took an apple to eat, and he didn’t even touched it – and hides himself behind his hands, letting out a little _‘no’_. Josh already knew that Tyler disliked himself – and it seemed to be more than just a dislike, because when you say no to a compliment, it’s already really far in the self-hatred.

“Are… are you making fun of me, Josh?”

He doesn’t see the way Josh looks at him, with hurt, for an answer. And he just can’t stop Blurryface to be here.

_Of course he is, Tyler._

_Why would he be so nice? Are you insane?_

_Oh, of course you are. But did you see your face?_

_Did you hear your voice and the way you speak? Ridiculous._

“Please, remove your hands from over your eyes… for me.”

Josh whispered. And, not even knowing why, Tyler did what he asked. The redhead looks at him with the most fondly gaze he has ever made.

 “Do you think I could make fun of _you_ , beautiful?”

The pet name slipped of Josh’s mouth, but he doesn’t show that it wasn’t said on purpose. And, by the way, this pet name sends a shiver down Tyler’s neck, who looks away while blushing again.

“M’sorry, no one ever told me, so-” Tyler says.

“I was about to say that I’m glad to be _your first_ ” (this time, Josh did it on purpose, and Tyler is almost turning into a living tomato, sitting awkwardly on his chair) “But that’s not normal. I don’t even know how it’s possible.” The bell rings, not letting Josh finish his sentence. And maybe that’s something good because he was certainly about to say awkward things about how Tyler was wonderful.

They get up, like everyone else, and they sigh.

“In which class do I have to come to pick you up this afternoon?”

Tyler makes a move with his hand.

“Aw, don’t worry I… You’re new after all, I know that the last class you have, ehm… is F-French, and I don’t want you to lose yourself in the halls s-so…”

He blushes, scratching the back of his neck and looking everywhere _but_ at Josh, not wanting him to ask how he knew that.

“So… yeah. I’ll come, I promise.”

He smiles to Josh, a real smile, and the sun looks pale beside the light he gives to the redhead. The redhead who actually takes the brunette’s hand quickly, caressing it with his thumb.

“I’m sure you’ll come, don’t worry.”

He lets his hand fall at his side.

“Go.”

Tyler gives him a big smile, and leaves quickly, almost running. _Take that, Blurryface_.

 

* * *

 

**_From :_ ** _Tyler_

**_To :_** _Josh_ ☺

**_4:47pm –_ ** _I think I’ve forgot something in my locker so, I’ll be five minutes late. Is it okay? I’m sorry. :-(_

Josh smiles while seeing the name of who texted him. In fact, he just smiles because he couldn’t scream in class.

**_From :_** _Josh_ ☺

**_To :_ ** _Tyler_

**_4:48pm_ ** _– aw don’t worry, ofc its okay, and don’t be sry :p_

He stares at his phone, waiting for an answer. An answer who is visibly not coming.

“Joshua.”

“Joshua.”

“ _JOSHUA_.”

He almost falls off his chair. The teacher was angrily looking at him.

“Tu n’es pas autorisé à avoir ton téléphone en cours.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Josh answers, really confused.

Then, he remembers that he is in French class. Everyone starts to laugh while Josh is gathering everything he knows in this stupid language to understand what the teacher just said, looking at him with wide eyes. He doesn’t succeed.

“ _Merci_.” The redhead answers, knowing that he wasn’t supposed to answer this at all, and everyone laughs again, loudly this time.

“If you think that making fun of me just because everyone will laugh is a good thing, you’re wrong, Joshua Dun. You’re new here, so be gentle, thank you.” The teacher spat, angry. “Lock your phone. Now.”

Josh does it, not wanting to be in trouble, mumbling a small ‘ _sorry’_.

The last ten minutes of class seem to be the longest ten minutes ever. Even longer than the three hours that morning. And when the bell rings (after what looks like an eternity), Josh jumps off his chair, way faster than everyone else and runs out of the class, but then he realizes that it was Tyler who was going to search for him. So he just stands there, awkwardly, against the wall, waiting for someone he met not even two days ago like he was the president or something. And when this boy arrives, running through everyone, and when his smile lights up the whole room while he looks at Josh, the red haired boy just feels like he’s gonna melt on the ground. The small _‘jishwa!’_ that Tyler shouts gives his heart some palpitations.

“You didn’t have to run, Ty.” Josh says, his cheeks starting to be a light shade of pink.

“I… I wanted to see y-you, I guess.” Tyler says, a small giggle coming out of his (beautiful) mouth.

Josh is not a ‘light shade of pink’ anymore. He’s more like red now, almost crimson, and he looks away because he doesn’t want Tyler to see this. That’s not really successful, because he starts to laugh, and Josh finally loses himself in the younger boy’s gaze.

It could’ve been funny if it wasn’t the purest thing ever. Two flushed boys, standing in a hall, looking at each other. Falling for each other (Even if they wouldn’t admit it for now because it was way too fast).

They’re hesitating, but Tyler (yes, _Tyler Joseph_ , ladies and gentlemen) makes the first move and takes Josh’s hand in his, looking at the ground while he blushes, again.

“Let’s go?” He says, and it sounded more like a question.

And with a smile, Josh starts to walk towards the door, and they’re on their way to his home.

 

* * *

 

The walk was really silent, but like this morning, it wasn’t an awkward silence. Just a pleasant, soothing and calming silence. The warmth of their hands held together relaxed them and they walked side by side, smiling, their hearts making so much noise that the other could’ve heard it.

When they enter Josh’s house, who asks to Tyler if he wants to eat something (and the last said answers no, like everytime), they directly go to the redhead’s room. He closes the door, and almost locked it, because he was used to, but he stops himself, he didn’t want to scare Tyler or something.

“Is your mom here, Jish?” Tyler asks.

“No, she’s working the whole night.” Josh answers, smiling at the nickname, once again. “Make yourself at home, put off your backpack and even your shoes if you want!” He adds, doing what he just said. Tyler does the same thing, toeing his converses off and putting them beside Josh’s vans.

“So, we are all alone?” Tyler asks, looking at Josh with his innocent eyes, sending shivers through Josh’s hair.

_Josh please control your thoughts, this is a simple question, look at this innocent thing and stops being such a fuckboy even if he drives you crazy!_

“Em, yeah!” He answers awkwardly, ignoring the amount of thoughts that are screaming in his head.

“Oh okay! We won’t have to be quiet, then.” Tyler says, looking around Josh’s room. “Even if I think that it’s especially _you_ who will scream.”

Josh is petrified. “E-Excuse me?” He says, looking away, blushing like he never did in his whole life. _Okay, the innocent boy I am trying not to have dirty thoughts about just said to me that I’m gonna **scream** tonight because we’re all alone, what am I going to do now?_

“Yeah, I mean, I’m good at Mario Kart, so if… if you lose, don’t be too loud. I think you have neighbors.” Tyler says, trying to sound sassy and rude but he doesn’t succeed and just adds a small _‘hehe’_ at the end of his sentence.

There’s an awkward ten seconds silence where they don’t move, they don’t even make a sound, and then Josh can’t stop himself from laughing loudly. Tyler is lost for a couple of seconds and then starts to laugh too, because Josh’s ( _beautiful)_ laugh ( _who sends shivers in Tyler’s whole body and tingles his stomach)_ is way too contagious.

“W-What?” The brunette asks, laughing.

Josh tries to answer something like _‘nothing’_ but the only thing that comes out is a ridiculous breath. There’s tears on his face now, because of his laugh. And together, they’re laughing with tears falling down, and Tyler don’t even know why.

“S-sorry!” Josh apologizes. “I didn’t laugh like that since a lot of time. And, to answer to your question, that just that…”

He turns towards Tyler, approaching him dangerously. He's only a few inches in front of him.

“I’m probably way better at Mario Kart than you.”

Tyler blushes crazily as he hears the redhead’s low and deep voice, and Josh step a foot back, cracking a wide smile. The younger boy looks at him, faking to be hurt.

“Ew. That’s what we’re going to see, Jishwa.” He says, exaggerating his ton and the gest of wiping a fake tear under his eye.

 

**(he’s going to see way more than that tbh but hey, don’t tell him)**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OHHHH DEAR YOU KNOW WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN YOU. KNOW. IT.  
> I'm not gonna hide I love the 'you're gonna scream' part idk  
> btw the teacher said "you're not allowed to have your phone in class" to Josh hehe and merci means thank you (so it has nothing to do with what the teacher said)
> 
> I can't wait to post the next chapter, it'll come out tomorrow
> 
> Honestly, writing this makes me a little bit happier.. I think I've found something I really like to do : writing  
> Stay alive everyone, it's worth it, I promise |-/


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok this is so bad  
> and it doesn't make sense

“It’s not fair!” Tyler shouted.

They played Mario Kart for two hours straight, and Tyler didn’t even won one single game. His cheeks were red from the anger and the concentration that he was putting in the game. Josh was laughing, lazily sitting on the floor, his back against his bed, while Tyler was sitting on it. He checked the hour.

“It’s getting late. I’m going downstairs to cook you something.” Josh says, smiling while getting up.

“Oh, Jish! I- It’s okay I mean-” Tyler starts, blushing.

“Hey,” Josh cuts him off “You didn’t even ate today. You’re so skinny, you need to eat something.”

Tyler gets up quickly, looking panicked, his heart beating really, really fast. Josh honestly starts to be worried. Why was he so strange when it was about food?

“No, please, Josh… I don’t want to eat. Cook something for yourself only.”

The brunette was standing in front of the redhead, and he was really close. He said this looking right in his mocha eyes. Josh was melting more and more each second, and his eyebrows were doing a weird move.

“Ty… Is there- Is there something wrong? I promise I won’t make fun of you if there’s something you need to explain. You don’t need to tell me what it is if you don’t want to. I…” Josh cuts his sentence in the middle and then sighs. “I’m worried about you, okay? I want you to be healthy.” He looks fondly at Tyler, who blushes from Josh’s cuteness and from the nickname (Ty).

“I’m fine, Josh. T-Thank you so much.” He lies, and Josh knows it, but he doesn’t say something against it.

And he is doing the right thing, because Tyler just doesn’t want to explain to Josh that he makes himself throw up almost every time he eats something, in disgust of himself and his dirty, ugly, fat body, and that he didn’t want to throw up Josh’s food, especially because it would be the food that _Josh_ would’ve _cooked_. He just smiles fondly.

A strong silence fell in the room. They stare at each other’s gaze, mocha eyes melting in chocolate eyes, forming a perfect harmony.

“Josh.” Tyler says, not breaking the eye contact. “Can I… Try something?” He was blushing a bit.

“Of course, yes.” Josh answers, not knowing what was gonna happen.

Oh, _dear_.

Tyler breaks the small space that was separating them and puts a small kiss on Josh’s lips. The whole world seemed to fall apart into millions of pieces, shivers running down the redhead’s body. Tyler looked away, blushing, apologizing a thousand times for what happened. But Josh couldn’t stop himself anymore, maybe it was wrong but he couldn’t anymore.

He pinned the brunette against the wall with his body, holding Tyler’s two wrists above his head with his right hand. They were so close, their breathing melting together, their noses touching, eyes in eyes. Nothing mattered anymore. And as Tyler closed his eyes, Josh whispers _‘tell me if it’s too much’_.

Josh starts the kiss. Shyly at first, not moving, but then, their lips start to move together, while their whole bodies were almost burning, searching for even more contact. With his left hand (the one that wasn’t holding Tyler’s wrists), Josh ran a hand in the brunette’s hair, and then puts it on his jawline; he bites gently Tyler’s lower lip, asking for an access. Opening his mouth, their tongues start to play together, tasting each other, and Tyler lets out a moan. That was the cutest sound Josh has ever heard, and while realizing they were both _hard_ , he makes the kiss even hotter than he already was, almost screaming that he needed Tyler so bad. He felt every single body part of Tyler (especially _one,_ hard, that was against his aching erection), could almost feel the blood running through his veins. He was feeling his heart, beating as fast as Josh’s. They were moving their hips together to the rhythm of this needy kiss, and when Josh presses himself even more on Tyler, they both moan at the friction. The redhead takes off his right hand, setting free Tyler’s wrists, and puts it under the younger boy’s shirt. The last said puts his left hand in Josh’s hair, tangling his fingers in it, almost pulling. His right hand goes on the back of the older boy’s neck. The brunette bucks his hips, making Josh growls as he stops the kiss to whisper in Tyler’s ear.

“You look so desperate, baby boy… I like it so much.”

Tyler almost moan at the pet name. He pulls on Josh’s hair to kiss him again and nothing could stop Josh when he started to palm the younger boy’s erection with his hand, making him moan ‘ _Josh_ ’, this time, maybe too loudly from the over sensibility. Nothing could stop them. Or maybe, the phone could.

Josh’s phone rings loudly in the room, and they break away, whining at the loss of friction. Tyler was red and panting, and he goes dark red, the darkest red he could ever be, while he realizes what just happened. He hides his face behind his hands, whispering _‘nononononono’_ to himself while Josh picks up his phone. That’s his mom.

“Hello, Josh? How are you?” She asks.

“Fine, mom.” He says in a raspy voice, breathless. “Why are you calling? I’m not five anymore, I can take care of myself.”

“I was just wondering if everything was okay. You sound like you just ran a marathon, though.”

“Yeah, we’re fine, thank you, mom, we were… playing Mario Kart. See you tomorrow.”

He hangs up. The silence is the most awkward silence that could ever happen.

He sits on his bed, looking at the floor. He sighs, playing with his hands nervously and crosses his legs to (try to) hide his aching boner. Tyler was against the wall.

“I… I’m so sorry, Tyler.” Josh whispers. “I shouldn’t have done that, you must’ve hated it and, I will understand if you hate me after this, and-“

“S-stop, Josh. I… I r-r-really liked t-this…” Tyler says, looking away, very very _very_ embarrassed.

“Oh, _really_ liked this?” Josh repeats, getting up from the bed.

Tyler nods as fast as he can. The redhead approaches him, looking at his reaction, and when he sees that the brunette isn’t scared, he cups his cheek, making him look at him, right in the eyes.

“And… do you want _more_?”

Tyler squeaks a small ‘yes’, desperately searching for Josh’s touch. The last said goes to the younger boy’s ear and whispers

“ _Slut.”_

He takes off the boy’s shirt who shivers from the name, and then he starts to bite gently Tyler’s neck, not hard enough to leave bruises, but hard enough to make him moan. He slides down with his tongue on the brunette’s body, unbuckling his belt, putting down his pants. Tyler tangles his fingers in his hair, desperately asking for more. Josh slowly takes off the white boxers to see the brunette’s hard cock, red and probably aching really bad. He takes it in his hands, stroking it one time, really slowly, teasing Tyler who was already almost dying. Deciding it was a crime to make him wait, he licks the pre-cum on the top of his dick, making him moan his name loudly. Then, Josh stars to move his head up and down on Tyler’s length, palming himself through his pants. The younger boy was falling apart in Josh’s hand and mouth, squeaking the prettiest sounds Josh has ever heard, turning him on even more while the room was filled with loud moans, not just Tyler’s – Josh was growling and moaning too, looking right in Tyler’s eyes.

“Josh, oh god Josh, Josh-” He almost screamed, cumming in Josh’s mouth, who swallowed it all.

He puts back the brunette’s boxers and pants on, gets up and kiss Tyler, a really soft kiss this time. Way softer than the desperate ones they were giving each other ten minutes ago.

“That was… that was so good, Josh.” Tyler squeaked, flushed. Then, he looked down at Josh’s erection and blushed even more. “Do… Do I have to-”

“No, baby boy.” Josh whispers, making Tyler shiver. “I will deal with it, don’t worry. You should put your shirt on again and go to your house. It’s really late and I don’t want you to be tired tomorrow, for school.”

“I’m so sorry…” Tyler whispers, even if he has nothing to feel sorry for.

He puts on his shirt, his shoes and takes his backpack and they go down. Josh pecks Tyler forehead, and let him go, watching the door closing. He falls in his couch, almost screaming of happiness.

 **_From :_ ** _Tyler_

**_To :_ ** _Josh :)_

**_11:58 pm_ ** _– Thank you so much. <3_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as I said it doesn't make sense they met like two days ago and they already made out and Josh gave Tyler a fucking blowjob  
> Tyler is supposed to be shy
> 
> fml


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY I WAS LONG TO POST THIS I DIDN'T HAVE WIFI EW  
> So here we are lol it ends well don't worry

Tyler fell slowly against the wall of his house, pulling at his hair, tears falling down his rosy cheeks. Why was he like this?

_Yeah Tyler, why are you like this?_

_Do you really believe that someone like Josh could even like you?_

“Leave, Blurryface.” Tyler spat.

_I won’t leave, you know it. You need me to bring you back to earth._

_You’re disgusting, honestly. Josh probably did this to make fun of you._

_I’m the only one who’s not lying to you. Why are you obsessed with trying to block me?_

“LEAVE ME ALONE!” Tyler screamed this time, his hands on his ears, standing on his knees.

_Fine._

Silence.

For the first time in his whole life, Blurryface stopped to whisper horrible things when he asked him to leave. For the first time, he can’t handle the silence, he just can’t. Getting up, he walks upstairs slowly, heavily. He enters his bedroom, taking the sharpest blade that he could find. And, walking towards the bathroom, he takes off his shirt and his pants, but not his boxers, not knowing why, and he steps in the shower.

When he turns it on, the water is really cold. And as it starts to warm up (and getting way too warm, leaving his back a bright red color), the water starts to melt with his blood, with some concealer that was hiding the cuts that he has on his arms, for the physical education class, and with his tears. Tyler’s hands move crazily, opening his skin, on his arms, his thighs, and his stomach. They’re not that deep, but deep enough to sting when they open. He feels alive at the sensation, loving it first, and then hating it.

No, he doesn’t want to be alive, no, _no,_ **NO**! He just wants to be _fucking dead_!

The blade drops on the floor, his breathing getting heavy and irregular. He can’t stop the scream that comes from the top of his lungs, cracking at the end, falling on his knees.

Sometimes, quiet is violent.

The world is falling apart around him. Nothing matters anymore. He just wants to quit it, to leave this life, to sleep forever. And as his eyelids starts to get heavy like his whole body, he feels something strong and warm holding his chest by behind, and he thinks that death is finally taking him after all the pain that life gave him.

_go away, leave me alone_

_don’t leave me alone_

 

* * *

 

 

**_To :_ ** _Tyler_

**_From :_** _Josh_ ☺

**_12:01 pm_ ** _– i should be the one to thank you. text me when u’re home_

**_To :_ ** _Tyler_

**_From :_** _Josh_ ☺

**_12:54 pm_ ** _– did i say something wrong? are you okay?_

**_To :_ ** _Tyler_

**_From :_** _Josh_ ☺

**_1:08 am_ ** _– tyler answer me please i’m worried_

**_To :_ ** _Tyler_

**_From :_** _Josh_ ☺

**_1:19 am_ ** _– TYLER PLEASE, i’m on the edge of a panic attack tell me you’re fine, i beg you, even if u don’t want to talk to me anymore_

**_To :_ ** _Tyler_

**_From :_** _Josh_ ☺

**_2:01 am_ ** _– please i’m so sorry i shouldn’t have done that i’m a fucki ng horrible person_

**_To :_ ** _Tyler_

**_From :_** _Josh_ ☺

**_2:05 am_ ** _– i can t al ready lose you tyler pleaseanswe r_

**_14 missing calls from Josh_** ☺

****

* * *

 

****

Ugh.

His head hurts like hell. It feels like he has been punched by someone several times right in the brain. Moving slightly, he feels that he has arms around him, and that there’s something fluffy against his naked chest. Opening slowly his eyes, he sees an amount of bright red hair that belongs to a beautiful sleeping boy probably named _fucking Joshua Dun_. Tyler’s heart starts to beat faster as he realizes that they’re both in his bed, cuddling, chest naked (at least they both had sweatpants). His arms, stomach and thighs burn a bit, too.

And then, he remembers.

He remembers what happened the last night, what he did with Josh, what he did when he got home. He just can’t stop himself from burying his head in Josh’s neck, sighing shakily while silent tears fall from his closed eyes. Josh makes a little noise, and holds Tyler even tighter.

“Are you okay, baby boy?”

Tyler doesn’t answer, just clinging on Josh even more. He doesn’t know why he cries, it’s soft and quiet, and it’s not like the chaos from the last night. It’s not sadness, it’s not happiness. It’s nothing of that. Tyler whispers _‘thank you’_ in Josh’s neck while he feels that the redhead made him bandages, soft made bandages, not too tight but not too lose, comfortable bandages that he has on his thighs, around his stomach and on his arms. He can’t stop the amount of _‘thankyouthankyouthankyou’_ that comes out of his mouth. Josh saved him. Tyler didn’t know how, how he found his house, how he came in, how he changed his clothes and how they ended up in this bed, he knew nothing. But he didn’t want to know. He just wanted to melt in the older boy’s strong arms (and that was what he was doing right now).  Last night, he wanted to die, but right now, all he wanted was to never leave the redhead. Josh kissed his forehead softly, and he may or may have not whispered to a blushing Tyler that he was wonderful, so strong and beautiful, that no one could ever be better than he was, and he fell asleep again, listening to Josh’s words that no one has ever told him, crying quietly.

 

* * *

 

 

He wakes up a few hours after this, waked up really softly by Josh’s fingers, sliding up and down his arm. His bandages has been changed – by Josh, for sure – and his cuts don’t hurt anymore. His head feels a lot better, too.

“Hi, beautiful.” Josh whispers.

Tyler sits on his bed, smiling at the name, blushing a bit. So, they slept at his house. He wanted to ask thousands of questions, but just one came out.

“H-How…?” He says quietly, almost whispering.

“How?” Josh repeats, moving his head on the right side like a puppy, making Tyler blush from his cuteness.

“How did you f-found me, how? How did you… C-Can you explain? All?”

The redhead sighs softly, sitting in front of Tyler.

“So, I sent you tons of texts and literally harassed you with calls, because you didn’t texted me when you got home. Sometimes, I get too anxious for nothing, but this time I was right.” Tyler takes his phone, blushing from the texts and how Josh was caring. He felt guilty, and Josh saw it. “Don’t worry Tyler, really. So, I got a panic attack and I was obsessed in only one thing, to know if you were fine, so me being a creep I searched your family name on google and I found your address, knowing it was it because you live ten minutes away from my house. I ran like a crazy man, to be honest I was afraid to have to break the door but it wasn’t even closed properly. I came in, heard you screaming upstairs and…” Josh bites his lip, looking away, his voice cracking on the end of his sentence. “And when… When I found you, you were- you were a mess, honestly and- you yelled at me, you almost yelled at me to go away, to leave you alone… and when… when I told you to look at me, you did and… and, with your eyes wide open, you- you yelled from the top of your lungs, your voice cracking, asking me to not leave you alone and then- then you… you cried and screamed for a few seconds and- and you fell asleep.”

“Tyler, why didn’t you tell me? I shouldn’t have done _that_ if you weren’t okay with it… I’m so, so, so sorry.” His eyes were filling with tears.

“ _That?”_ Tyler asks, confused.

And then he understands. Josh is actually thinking that Tyler did this because of him. He gasps, screaming ‘ _NO!’_ , realizing that Josh is crying. He doesn’t know if it’s the right thing to do but he climbs quickly on his lap and holds him close, so close that he could feel their heartbeats and Josh’s shaky breath was melting in his neck, warm tears falling on him.

“No, god no Josh.” Tyler whispers in Josh’s ear, so quietly that even if someone was here, he wouldn’t understand. This was really intimate. “I didn’t did this because of you, I actually loved what… what we did.” He smiles a bit at the memory. He sighs a bit, and closes his eyes, knowing he’s going to regret what he’s going to do. “If I did that, it’s because I hate myself. I hate myself more than anything, and there’s…” There’s a lump in his throat, and he tries to ignore it the best he can. “There’s a voice in my head – well, more than a voice, it’s almost someone, sometimes…” He moves to Josh’s neck. “…I can feel his breath against my skin, sometimes I can properly hear him…” He moves back to Josh’s ear. “…whispering that I have to die in my ear. Sometimes…” His voice cracks, moving his left hand softly at Josh’s throat, not squeezing at all, just putting his hand on it. “…I can feel him while he _chokes_ me to death.” He moves slowly his hand on the back of the redhead’s neck, who holds him so tight, whispering ‘ _oh god, oh god’_ repeatedly. His large hands goes to the younger boy’s hair, running them through it. “And sometimes, Josh… Sometimes, Blurryface wins and because of him, I do things that won’t save me. I do things that, he says, will help me to get the dirt out of me.” A tear falls down his cheek. He never told that to anyone. It’s not making him all blushing and awkward like when he’s at school speaking about what he likes, no. He’s not shy, at the moment. He’s offering himself to Josh. “I feel dirty, Josh. Dirty from all those cuts and from all those thoughts that I have…” He pulls a bit at Josh’s red hair, and the older boy closes his mocha eyes, lifting up his head, his nose caressing Tyler’s cheek. “I will wash you from all the things that bother you, I promise. I think I’m falling for you, Tyler, and yeah, it’s really, really early to say it, but I know that I’m falling, and I can’t help it. And even with those cuts or those thoughts, I’ll love you... I know it. And I already, really, _really_ like you.” Josh said this softly against Tyler’s cheek, his warm breath tingling the younger boy’s cheek. Another tear falls down. “You know…” Tyler starts, opening his eyes, Josh doing the same thing. “You know that I’m already liking you too much too. And you know too well that I’m falling, too.” His cheeks are a slight shade of pink, his heart fluttering everywhere. He melted when Josh closed the gap between them to give him a soft kiss. They could feel the affection in it, and the redhead wipes off the tears on Tyler’s right cheek with his thumb. And when they break the kiss, looking right in each other’s eyes, Josh says out loud, not whispering anymore:

“I’ll be here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy valentine's day !! ♥  
> I'm alone but idc lol  
> there's 700 hits and ilysm omg it makes me so. happy.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end because this story is so shitty

Tyler was on top of Josh, who was almost sleeping on the couch while they were watching X-Files. The brown haired boy was blushing, his heart was dancing, his stomach was ripped apart, his head almost spinning. But it felt warm, comfortable, _safe_. Between his strong arms who were tightly holding him (not allowing him to move, and he knew that Josh was feeling his heart beat), Tyler felt safe. His head was in Josh’s crook of neck, and his was contently sighing, memorizing his smell.

They were ditching school. The younger one never did this, but Josh was used to it. It wasn’t something good (don’t do this kids), but just one day or two wouldn’t hurt Tyler (especially if it was against Josh’s body like right now).

Tyler moved slightly, and Josh realized that he was almost squishing him.

“M’sorry, baby boy.” He mumbled groggily.

The chocolate eyed one blushed crazily, smiling ear to ear from the name. His heart started to race even more, and when the redhead felt it, he smiled too.

“You seem to really like this name, huh?” He asks with a smirk on his face.

“Stop teasing, Jish.” Tyler answers, giggling, his cheeks flushed red.

“Me? _Teasing_?”

Josh sits down, Tyler still on top of him, and when he sat, the younger boy was sitting on his lap, really close to Josh. It made him blushing even more, and the older one smirked even more. With his left hand, he takes the boy’s chin and starts to kiss him, softly at first, but when he pushes his tongue inside his mouth, earning a quiet moan from Tyler, it starts to be way more heated, turning into a needy kiss. Tyler bucked his hips invonlutarily on top of Josh, hitting _the_ sensitive spot. It was too much for Josh, and he breaks the kiss with a growl, pushing the brown haired boy on his back, pinning him roughly against the couch.

“Oh, so you want to play.” His voice was low and deep, making Tyler shiver.

Josh removed Tyler’s pants and shirt in a second, and the last said was now in his boxers, blushing, a hand on his mouth. Josh leaned down, starting to kiss his neck, letting the tip of his fingers brush Tyler’s beautiful body. His touch was electric to Tyler, and he was definitely hard by feeling Josh’s teeth working their way down his stomach, playing with his tongue. His breath was heavy, his eyes almost closed, looking at the redhead, who was grinning hungrily through his heated kisses, proud of how he made Tyler horny and desperate in a few minutes. They were hard. Both. And the moan that the younger boy let out when the redhead sucked a love bite under his belly button is just too much. Josh leans up again to Tyler’s mouth, with a low growl.

“I’m going to make you feel _so good_...” Josh whispered in his ear, while he lowers his body to roll his hips on Tyler’s aching erection.

Let’s just hope that the neighbors weren’t home, because the way Tyler moaned Josh’s name was sounding way too pornographic.

 

* * *

 

 

Tyler expected to feel umconfortable taking a shower with someone he met a few days ago. But he felt like he knew Josh since years already, and it felt natural to let him run his hands on his body, cleaning him with a soap who smelled like... home. Josh was home to him. He never felt that good in his whole life. He felt so loved...

He giggled when, in the shower, Josh traced softly around the hickey he left on Tyler’s stomach. He remembers how Josh said “you’re **mine**.” while they were kissing desperately, and Josh’s hands were-

“Lost in your thoughts, beautiful?” Josh giggles, knowing exactly what he was thinking about.

Tyler laughed softly, feeling like he was in heaven when Josh kissed him slowly.


End file.
